Hey friend,
Earlier this month, I attended a book event for my dear friend and fellow coach Amina AlTai and she did something that struck me in the moment — and left me pondering it for days after.
She received a compliment from someone in the audience, and instead of quickly thanking her and moving on, Amina paused.
Sat with it. Relished in it. Truly absorbed it.
And it was fucking powerful.
So powerful, in fact, that I sent her this voice message on my drive home:
Personally, I’ve always found it difficult to let praise land. It’s not that I don’t believe compliments (at least not on the surface). It’s that the experience of doing the work and the impact it has on someone else feels so disjointed.
What it takes for me to build a body of thought and then a business that monetizes it… can feel so far away from the person who actually receives it. So when someone tells me, “Wow, this resonated!” or even “You’ve changed my life,” it’s as if they’re speaking a language I’m familiar with but don’t use day to day.
In short: their experience of me is not my experience of me.
Which is why receiving a compliment can is like a confrontation of that disconnect which can sometimes feel awkward, or even downright uncomfortable.
But before we dive into the psychology of it all, let’s acknowledge something important: this struggle isn’t happening in a vacuum.
The messages we inherited
For many of us — especially women — difficulty receiving compliments isn’t just personal. It’s cultural.
We were taught that humility is a virtue. That taking up space is selfish. That confidence in women is “too much,” while the same confidence in men is leadership.
“Don’t get too big for your britches.””Stay humble.””Nobody likes a show-off.”
So when someone praises us, part of us hears: “If I accept this, am I being arrogant? Am I taking up too much space? Am I becoming the kind of woman people don’t like?”
The resistance isn’t just personal protection — it’s generational conditioning.
And yet, here’s what I’ve learned: rejecting compliments doesn’t make you humble. It makes you invisible.
Why receiving feels like a threat
So what exactly happens in that moment when someone offers us praise?
You’re not broken. You’re protecting something.
Taking in a compliment — really letting it land — requires opening. And opening is vulnerable.
Because whether you realize it or not, there’s often something underneath a compliment that your nervous system reads as pressure:
- “Now I have to live up to this.”
- “What if I disappoint them later?”
- “If I accept this, do I owe something in return?”
- “This doesn’t match how I see myself.”
So instead of soaking in the affirmation, we dodge it. Minimize it. Move past it. Dismiss it as “no big deal.”
Not all resistance is fear. Sometimes, it’s disinterest.
It’s easy to assume that if someone shrinks away from a compliment, it must be about low self-worth or fear of being seen. And often — yes, that’s true.
But sometimes the issue isn’t fear. It’s disconnection.
Some people minimize their accomplishments because, deep down, they didn’t care much about what they did — or who they did it for.
“I guess I did that… but I didn’t care about it that much.””It looks impressive on paper, but it didn’t feel like me.””I’m not insecure — I’m just not proud of this.”
In that case, minimization isn’t self-sabotage. It’s a quiet way of saying: “Don’t define me by work that didn’t light me up.”
If this is you, the work isn’t about learning to receive praise — it’s about finding the kind of work you want to be praised for.
Then there’s another layer to consider:
Praise can feel like performance.
Especially if you grew up with conditional love or high expectations, compliments can carry an unspoken contract:
“You better keep being this amazing.””Don’t let this version of you slip.””Now that we’ve seen what you can do… we expect it.”
And that’s heavy. It’s no wonder your body might say, “Let’s not go there.”
Whether your resistance comes from cultural conditioning, disconnection from your work, or fear of future expectations, the good news is this: you can learn to receive differently.
But what if letting it in could feel safe?
Here are a few gentle ways to start practicing:
1️⃣ Notice the reaction without judgment. The goal isn’t to “fix” your discomfort. Just pause and observe:
- What happens in your body when someone praises you?
- What story immediately plays in your mind?
Awareness is the first layer of self-trust.
2️⃣ Redirect the pressure. Instead of hearing “You changed my life” as a demand to perform, hear it as evidence:
- “Something in me is powerful — even when I’m not trying.”
- “Maybe I don’t need to effort so hard to be enough.”
Let the compliment affirm, not burden.
3️⃣ Practice receiving in small doses. Start with:
- “Thank you, that means a lot.”
- Or even: “That’s hard for me to take in, but I’m going to try.”
It doesn’t have to be a full-body embrace right away. Even just not deflecting is a win.
4️⃣ Ask yourself: what part of me feels safest staying small? There’s likely an inner protector that equates visibility with danger or responsibility. Rather than pushing it away, get curious: What does it want to protect me from? Then gently let your wiser self decide if that protection is still needed.
These practices can help you start to shift the pattern, but real change happens through consistent, gentle repetition. That’s where this integration plan comes in.
7-Day Integration Plan
Turn guidance into habits with these daily practices.
Day 1: The Awareness Practice
Today’s focus: Simply notice your compliment patterns without trying to change them.
Practice:
- Set a gentle reminder on your phone for 3 random times today
- When it goes off, ask yourself: “Have I received any praise, appreciation, or positive feedback since my last check-in?”
- If yes, notice: What was my immediate internal response?
- Journal prompt: “When someone compliments me, my body feels _____ and my mind says _____.”
No fixing. Just witnessing.
Day 2: The Pause
Today’s focus: Create space between receiving and responding.
Practice:
- When you receive any form of praise (even small ones like “nice shirt” or “thanks for helping”), take a literal 3-second pause before responding
- During the pause, take one conscious breath
- Notice: What wants to rush out of your mouth? What would happen if you didn’t say it?
- Still respond however feels natural, but practice creating that micro-moment of choice
Day 3: The Body Check
Today’s focus: Tune into your physical response to praise.
Practice:
-
Each time you receive a compliment, do a quick body scan:
- Shoulders: tense or relaxed?
- Chest: open or contracted?
- Stomach: calm or churning?
- Overall: energized or drained?
- Notice patterns without judgment
- Evening reflection: “My body’s compliment pattern seems to be _____.”
Day 4: The Simple “Thank You”
Today’s focus: Practice the art of non-deflective receiving.
Practice:
- For any compliment today, respond with just “Thank you” — nothing else
- No “but,” no “it was nothing,” no explaining away
- If it feels too vulnerable, you can add “that means a lot” but try to avoid minimizing
- Notice: How does it feel to let appreciation land without deflecting it?
Day 5: The Reframe
Today’s focus: Practice hearing compliments as evidence, not pressure.
Practice:
-
When someone appreciates something about you, mentally reframe it:
- Instead of: “Now I have to keep being this way”
- Try: “Something good in me is already here”
- Instead of: “They’ll expect this from me now”
- Try: “I can trust that my authentic self has value”
- Write down one compliment you received and practice both framings
Day 6: The Integration Question
Today’s focus: Get curious about your resistance patterns.
Practice:
- Think of a recent compliment that was hard to receive
- Ask your resistance: “What are you trying to protect me from?”
- Listen without arguing. Your protector parts usually have good reasons
- Then ask your wiser self: “Is this protection still needed? What would feel safer?”
- End with appreciation: “Thank you, protector part, for trying to keep me safe”
Day 7: The Celebration
Today’s focus: Acknowledge your practice and integrate your learning.
Practice:
- Reflect on the week: What did you notice about your patterns?
- Choose one compliment from this week that you want to “re-receive” more fully
- Sit quietly, remember the words, and practice letting them land in your body
- Write yourself a note of appreciation for doing this brave work
- Share your biggest insight with someone you trust (or reply to this email!)
Letting love in isn’t a passive act. It’s a practice of courage — one micro-moment at a time.You don’t have to fully believe every compliment. You just have to let it reach the parts of you that are ready to remember: you’re already worthy of being seen.
I see you.
x Claire
👯
No July Meetup
UPDATE COMING
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