How to Get Ahead Without Getting Burned
An excerpt from last week’s edition of Really Good Work Advice,
a digestible deep dive into what makes a good work-life.
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The summer I turned sixteen, I was a Senate Page, a kind of glorified gofer whose main tasks included running errands, fetching water, and setting up lecterns. I was technically assigned to Senator Ted Kennedy but any Democrat who needed assistance, I was theirs. We mostly loitered on the Senate floor, ready to spring into action at the drop of a hat (or more accurately, the wave of a hand), and we cherished our station as the bitches of the libs.
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I have many formative memories from that time, but one stands out among the rest. It shaped so much of my worldview on not just politics, but office politics and gave me a taste of what it takes to be a woman at work. It was this: the female Senators (of which there were very few), were DYNAMOS.
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But perhaps not in the way one might’ve expected. They were quiet dynamos.
Because I had a front-row seat (literally), I was privy to covert conversations, watching as they sidled up to one another; things were whispered, then a smattering of laughter, and finally, a shaking of hands.
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Here’s what stood out: they made the men feel listened to. In what they said but also what they didn’t: their body language, their laughter..they didn’t have the luxury of bulldozing their agendas through, so they had to deploy a special kind of charisma.
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They truly personified the saying, “Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backward in heels.”
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You might be thinking, “Claire! What a terrible message! Are you suggesting that to get ahead, we have to be charismatic?!”
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Every single successful person, regardless of their gender, has to be charismatic. However, the way that women play the game can’t always be according to the same rules, otherwise, we’ll be burned.
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Known as the double bind, women can be penalized if we act outside our expected norm; i.e. accommodating or nice. This of course puts us in direct conflict with getting ahead: how can we advocate for ourselves without seeming self-centered?
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Here’s the good news, if done the right way, these things don’t have to be mutually exclusive. What you want doesn’t have to be at odds with what someone else wants. Strategy and authenticity can co-exist and multiple agendas can be married.
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It may take some dancing backwards in heels but when you master the moves, it feels so ๐ damn ๐ good. Here’s how.
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