When I read somewhere that hair stores trauma, I knew I needed to cut mine. Not a trim. The whole thing.
I did it once before, nine years earlier after getting married (the first time) and starting Ladies Get Paid. I craved that energy again. Freshness. Newness. Possibility. My hair was starting to feel like a burden, literally and metaphorically. It represented a version of me that I’d outgrown, or at least was in the process of trying to. Plus the practicalities of caring for twins under two, both of whom started using my hair as leverage to pull themselves up.
The stylist asked if I was sure. I was.
What I didn’t expect was how much lighter I’d feel afterward. Not just physically…
But like I’d given myself permission to be seen as who I actually am now, not who I used to be.
Freaking out on my way to the salon…
How You Know You’re Evolving
Your outsides don’t fit your insides anymore.
Maybe it shows up as an itchiness in your body – a restlessness you can’t quite name. Or you catch yourself acting in ways that seem outdated compared to your intentions. Or perhaps people treat you like they’re talking to a younger version of you, and it lands wrong. Something – or someone – inside you is wanting to be seen.
We’re always evolving. The difference is whether you’re participating in it.
The Work of Becoming
Here’s what I’ve learned about how to actively participate in your own evolution:
Notice the itch. Your body knows before your mind does. That feeling of being too tight in your own skin? That’s information. Don’t ignore it, analyze it, or talk yourself out of it. Just notice: something wants to shift.
Name what you’re outgrowing. Get specific. Is it a role you’ve been playing? A way of working that used to serve you? A version of success you were chasing? You can’t release what you won’t acknowledge. Write it down: “I’m outgrowing the version of me that…”
Create space for what’s emerging. This is the scary part. You might not know yet who you’re becoming. That’s okay. The new version of you needs room to breathe before it can fully form. Sometimes that space looks like cutting your hair. Sometimes it’s saying no to opportunities that used to excite you. Sometimes it’s letting relationships shift.
Make one outward (small) change. Evolution happens internally first, but at some point you have to let the outside world catch up. What’s one tangible way you can signal – to yourself and others – that you’ve changed? It doesn’t have to be dramatic. It just has to be true.
When You Know You Need a Change But You’re Still Scared
Here’s the thing no one tells you: sometimes knowing exactly what you need to do makes it scarier, not easier. You can’t pretend you don’t know anymore. There’s a specific kind of fear that comes when your intuition is loud and clear, because now you’re accountable to it.
And even when you’ve outgrown something, there can be real loss in letting it go. The old version of you got you here. She worked. She kept you safe. Maybe she kept you small too, but that doesn’t erase what she did for you.
The space between who you were and who you’re becoming is disorienting. You’re not the old version anymore, but the new version isn’t fully formed yet. That liminal space is deeply uncomfortable, and fear loves to fill uncomfortable spaces with “what ifs.” What if I’m wrong? What if I regret this? What if I lose something I can’t get back?
And then there are other people. They’re invested in the old version of you. (Someone called my hair “a staple”!) They might resist your evolution because it requires them to evolve too, or because your change reflects something they’re not ready to look at in themselves. The stylist asking “are you sure?” wasn’t just about my hair.
The fear doesn’t mean you’re making the wrong decision. It means you’re making a real one. And making a real decision means there’s a learning curve on the other side. You might not feel happy right away. Like right now, I’m in the midst of figuring out how to style this short haircut and it kinda sucks. Sometimes I miss my old hair, even if I’m glad I don’t have it.
The point isn’t immediate satisfaction – it’s that you’re learning. There’s a curve to becoming someone new, even when that someone is more authentically you.
Feeling light! Free! Me!
Your Turn
What feels too tight in your life right now? Where do you sense that “itch” in your body?
Complete this sentence: “I’m outgrowing the version of me that believed I had to…”
What are you still doing/saying/tolerating that belongs to an earlier version of you?
If your current self could send a message to the version of you from a year ago, what would it say?
What’s one small, tangible change you could make this week that would better reflect who you’re becoming?
Hit reply and tell me: What’s one thing you’re ready to outgrow?
Now go get paid.
x Claire
PS Loved this newsletter? Pay it forward by sharing it with someone who could benefit 🤗
PPS Feeling overwhelmed by **gestures broadly at everything?** Kara Perez writes an easy to understand money focused newsletter that combines personal finance, sustainable living, and advocacy to help you navigate aligning your money with your personal values.
I work with high-achieving women who are successful on paper but struggling beneath the surface…and I’d love to work with you 🤗
You might be:
The Golden Handcuffs Client: Well-compensated but soul-starved. You want meaningful work but can’t afford to sacrifice financial security—especially with a family depending on you. The thought of starting over feels paralyzing.
The Ambitious Achiever Who Hit a Wall: You do everything “right”—stellar performance, great relationships, impressive results—but you’re not advancing as expected. You get to final rounds but don’t close the deal, and you can’t figure out why.
The Brave Leaper in Analysis Paralysis: You’re already mid-transition but frozen by overthinking. You have courage but lack clarity, strategy, or confidence. Every option feels like it could be the “wrong” choice.
The Expert Stuck in Your Expertise: You have deep knowledge and experience but struggle to translate it into something marketable. You’re caught between your established identity and who you’re becoming.
If any of these resonate, you’re not broken. You’re at a critical inflection point that requires both strategic clarity AND the internal tools to execute with confidence.
Why Choose Me
Most coaches give you either strategy OR mindset work. I seamlessly weave together:
Practical next steps with the internal alignment work needed to execute them
Strategic roadmapping with tools to manage your present so you have bandwidth for your future
Market positioning with the confidence to own your worth and negotiate from strength
I don’t push you to quit your job tomorrow or take dramatic leaps. Instead, I help you see your current paycheck as “a venture capitalist funding your transition” so you can shift to a more empowered position.
As one client put it: “Claire holds my hand and kicks my butt at the same time.”
I provide gentle support when you’re struggling with fear and self-doubt—and firm accountability when you’re making excuses or avoiding necessary action. I won’t let you stay stuck in planning mode or let perfectionism sabotage your progress.
The Real Reason My Coaching Works
Here’s what I’ve learned after working with thousands of women: When you say you want a “career change,” what you really need is alignment between who you’ve become and how you show up professionally.
The surface problem is job dissatisfaction. The real problem is identity evolution.
I’ve lived through the messy, complicated reality of major life transitions. I know what it feels like to be successful on paper but lost inside. I understand the fear of making the “wrong” choice when everything feels high-stakes.
My approach is to turn my life inside out—taking what I’ve learned (mostly through struggle) and breaking it down in a way that’s accessible and actionable for you.
Cecilia thought she needed more ideas. After five years of unemployment, she’d tried everything: children’s books, freelancing, illustration, volunteer work. She was posting, updating her portfolio, reaching out constantly. Nothing was landing.
Fifteen minutes into our coaching session, the real problem revealed itself: she wasn’t failing because her ideas were bad. She was failing because she kept abandoning them before they had time to work. In this week’s Substack, I break down:
Why “trying everything” is actually trying nothing—and the exact pattern that keeps you stuck
The 70% Focus Rule: how to commit without abandoning everything else you care about
How to turn your “failed” projects into proof of your capabilities (they’re not failures—you just haven’t framed them correctly)
The Dream Brief Method: creating work that demonstrates your expertise before anyone hires you
