To be more accurate, you’re a lazy piece of shit.
This was the voice I heard every day. For years.
On the outside, I appeared to be the opposite (I run my own business! I published a book!) but on the inside, this nonstop narrative was the messed-up soundtrack to my movie.
Until the pandemic when I burnt out and broke down.
I thought I needed that voice to motivate me but I was just exhausted. Clearly, what got me here was not going to get me there. (Wherever “there” was.)
But telling this voice to shut up only made her louder.
Something needed to change. I needed to change.
Turns out, I didn’t. What needed to change was my relationship with myself. For the next three years, I worked through a self-directed curriculum, treating myself like my own science experiment. Our lives, after all, are our greatest work.
This was the key that unlocked everything: Treating the “negative” parts of myself and my life like a gold mine yielded treasure. My attempt to banish or punish them was what made them problematic.
Here are two major things I learned:
- My “negative” voices carried my desires
- Crappy life experiences informed my purpose
Let me explain. Growing up, lack of emotional intimacy was a recurring theme. We also moved a lot and I often felt lonely.
It’s no wonder that I’ve created a community-based business that helps 55,000 people connect to their worth at work…with everything I do, and especially with my podcast, my goal is to help you see yourself in another person. In other words, create emotional intimacy 👀
The things we’re wounded by create a hole that we spend a lot of energy trying to fill – often in unhealthy ways – or trying to run from it – also often in unhealthy ways.
But when you take that misplaced energy and direct it towards serving others, you serve yourself.
It might sound counterintuitive, but healing your relationship with others helps heal your relationship with yourself. Because the human species survived only through living and dying by the rules of the tribe, we can only understand ourselves in relation to others.
(Unfortunately, the dark side of that can manifest through voices like “you lazy piece of shit”, a bastardized version of messages I received from my mom, aka head of my tribe.)
So if we’re going to be tied to one another anyway, why not rewrite it through the empowering lens of:
👉 How can I take what I’ve suffered and use it to alleviate the suffering in someone else?
👉 What have I learned that might bring value to someone else?
Welcome to this week’s challenge and your life’s work.
I invite you to scour your past like a detective, searching for clues that will propel you into the future. Because everything is there for you to learn from and once you open your mind, you’ll see that it can open your world.
Write me back if this resonates or better yet, comment on LinkedIn. This reframe has helped me tremendously and I can’t wait to see what it sparks for you, too.
We got this 💪
x Claire
