If you desperately want – but struggle – to set boundaries, you are not alone. Over the years, I’ve compiled thousands of questions Ladies Get Paid subscribers have submitted, and how to set boundaries is among the top most frequently asked.
Here are five steps to get started:
✅ Step #1: Accept your fear. We’re wired to “stay in the tribe”, meaning, any kind of rejection – perceived or otherwise – triggers our nervous system to treat it as a life-or-death situation. That’s why setting boundaries with another person can feel emotionally scary. Because in a way, it is! Instead of fighting the fear, accept it (heck, embrace it!); no need to waste extra energy.
✅ Step #2: Start with common ground. Establish shared goals and reiterate that you’re on the same side. Because you are! Position the boundaries as a benefit to them; with examples of how this will still help them achieve their desired outcome, even if the approach isn’t what they originally assumed.
✅ Step #3: Give the other person agency. Present your boundaries so that it doesn’t feel constricting to them, by offering options for them to choose from. That way they’ll have a sense of ownership in what happens next.
✅ Step #4: Understand that not everyone will be happy. And guess what? It’s not your job to make them happy. That’s their responsibility. Just as much as your responsibility is to protect your well-being! Boundaries are compromises in action, and for it to be workable for everyone, both sides need to give up something to get something. The point isn’t to necessarily feel great but to feel fair.
✅ Step #5: Imagine how you’ll feel afterward. Setting the boundary may be difficult – heck, sustaining the boundary may be tricky too! – but visualize in your body the relief and pride you’ll have that you did what was right for you. You’re practicing your ability to sit with (temporary) discomfort, an essential life skill.
👉 To see these takeaways in action, scroll down for a coaching session I did with “E” on how to set boundaries with her family.
Remember this: When you say yes to something, you’re inherently saying no to something else. Just make sure that something else isn’t you.
“Long-term unemployment has created massive self-doubt.”
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Whether you’re selling your business, your services, or your boss on your own skills and talents, we all sell. And Andrea Mac is obsessed with helping you get better at it. Andrea works with women to launch new revenue streams, develop simple and actionable sales plans, improve pricing, and ultimately make more money. Here are three ways you can start earning more:
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“E” came to me with a lot on her plate. She has a full-time job plus a side business; she’s also living at home with her parents, where she is responsible for most of the household chores; due to some mental health issues that her sister is struggling with, she also has assumed care for her baby nephew.
In short: the situation as is, is not tenable. E needed my guidance on how to approach her parents with a division of labor that would free her up to focus more on her side business so she can save up money to get her own place.
This short but impactful coaching session is helpful for anyone who struggles to set boundaries, presenting them in a diplomatic way that establishes common ground, offers solutions to choose from, and accepts that when you compromise, not everyone will be happy.
MY WHY: I want to work to better human rights around the globe, especially children’s rights. I need work that adds value to society and I want to (selfishly?) feel useful. I’ve worked in non-profit for most of my career and want to switch to for-profit and corporate social responsibility because I need to be financially independent. DREAM OPPS INCLUDE: Program Manager for a Foundation (Hilton, Clinton, Ford, Open Society etc,) and Manager for a big company’s CSR department (Expedia, Target)
A CAREER HIGHLIGHT: Speaking to the people in the programs I created or managed; what were their issues, their successes, their world views, etc.
SOMETHING HARD I’VE DONE: I stopped drinking for a while. Not work-related but it was hard and allowed me to have more time to focus on what matters like my kids and my career.)
HOW YOU CAN SUPPORT ME: Pointing me in the right direction to make this non-profit to for-profit transition, from LinkedIn review to resume and ways to present my experience in a relevant way. And any introductions!
Since you subscribe to Ladies Get Paid, I know you share my belief that women should be paid for their work. In that spirit, please consider contributing to this newsletter so I can continue to provide it to you for free (and support my family.) Thank you 🙏 🙏
