I got the most amazing responses re: last week’s newsletter. Thank you for receiving it with such kindness and for encouraging this new direction of our Ladies Get Paid newsletter as I share personal stories, lessons, and action steps 🙏
“I’m shutting down the company.”
We were standing on a street corner in Williamsburg on one of those freakishly hot days in the middle of winter. The kind that taunts you with a taste of spring, even though it won’t be for months.
It was my second “real” job out of college, a small experiential marketing agency where the paycheck was small but it was steady.
My boss had been out of the office a lot recently but I wasn’t expecting this. Maybe a downsizing, not a sunsetting.
Actually, there wasn’t even a sunsetting. We were closing, effective immediately. He was going on a one-way ticket vacation…and I was going to be unemployed. My second layoff in under three years.
He gave me the link to apply for unemployment, made some small talk, and we were done.
My career had barely begun and yet it already felt like it was over.
I’d only just graduated from my cousin’s couch in the Bronx to my own apartment as I worked a customer service job at a wallpaper company (my first firing), and then as a hostess at a restaurant on the Upper East side. Maybe I could beg them to come back.
Or maybe one of the agency’s old clients was hiring and I could tactfully (?) inquire about an opening. What position did I even want anyway?
I was hellbent on “making it” in New York City but right now that meant making rent and I was screwed.
I’d never felt so envious of my pre-med brother and his predetermined path. I on the other hand, had no clue what I wanted; I was more familiar with what I didn’t want: which was feeling creatively stiffled.
I had more questions than answers, namely, was it possible to be creative and make money? Could you love what you do and make a nice living from it? (Or at least make rent.)
I thought about people I admired and wondered how they cultivated their career paths. How did they start, let alone succeed? I thought about how cool it would be if there a database of creative professionals, searchable by their career stories. Someone should really make that.
Then it struck me. That someone could be me.
I’d never thought of myself as an entrepreneur before, I never harbored any secret desire to run a business.
But it was clear, this was a turning point. A crossroads. I could take a job out of desperation or use that desperation to create one for myself.
With my life already in turbulence from being laid off, I figured I might as well be the one to fly the plane.
I looked up the rules for unemployment and calculated that I could “buy” myself at least three months to explore this idea. I figured if I subletted my apartment – and returned to coach living – I could not only save money, I might even make a little. A three-month runway became six and I was ready to get started.
The early weeks were fun: I was high on my own adenaline and fantasies of The Social Network. But passion doesn’t equal a paycheck, at least not without a plan. And that, I had none.
I collected a bunch of career stories, won a contest to go to SXSW, even convinced a mentor to invest. But the closer I got to launching an actual product, the more insecure I became.
I was wracked with indecision (mostly around how to monetize), and paralyzed by perfectionisom. I was great at coming up with ideas and even better at talking myself out of them.
I eventually talked myself out of the company. Adreneline had turned into anxiety and I was tired. Tired of trying to figure things out on my own, tired of building the plane as I flew it.
I thought, why teach myself when I could learn from others (and get paid?!) That realization changed my entire outlook on my career.
Getting a job could be like getting an MBA. A job description would be the curriculum and interviewing at a company was like touring a college.
I didn’t see my business failing so much as giving me a blueprint for what I needed to learn next.
It also showed me that I am always a business owner, even if I wasn’t running a company. I am in the business of me.Working for someone else was simply them renting my hours.
That shift, shifted everything.
I made a list of all the things I sucked at with my startup as a starting point for what I needed to learn and where I wanted to work. I was curious to see how other entrepreneurs made decisions, how they monetized, how they dealt with mental health.
A job wasn’t just a job anymore, it was an environment to learn. My career was transformed, and in the process so was I.
When everything became about learning, nothing seemed so scary anymore. Seeing myself as the LLC of Me also felt like protection against any potential future firings (of which there was one…but that’s a story for another newsletter.)
My business failed but I succeeded. (Or at least that’s how I rationalize it to myself 😂)
It was certainly practice for Ladies Get Paid. When I eventually did start a new business, I brought with me a whole bunch of wisdom including a readiness to suck. Because how can you grow if there’s nothing to improve?
(Speaking of wisdom, I post (almost) daily tidbits and tips on my Instagram that I call #WisdomWalks. I’d love for you to check them out and if you’re feeling brave, make your own and tag me!)
At SXSW when adrenaline hadn’t yet turned into full-blown anxiety
THIS WEEK’S ACTION STEPS
➡️ Make a list of things you’re struggling with. Imagine you get to create your own major and use this list as the outline for a curriculum. Bonus points if you assign yourself homework 🙂
➡️ Based on that curriculum, brainstorm resources, jobs, and people who can help teach and inspire you.
➡️ When you mess up, instead of self-berating with “I’m so bad at this”, say, “I’m in the process of learning.”
➡️ Forward this newsletter to someone you know will benefit from it 💫
