Ambition, made easy.

Hey Reader,
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In honor of Thanksgiving (and my birthday, woohoo!), I figured it was a good time to reflect on what I’m grateful for…which got me thinking about gratitude practices in general.
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I have a serious problem with them.
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In theory, remembering to be grateful is wonderful. I just think for women, it can do more damage than good.
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Based on what I’ve seen with my clients and this community – not to mention my personal experience – we often gaslight our feelings. We bury our needs (emotional and otherwise) in service of others, trying to keep it all together while keeping a cheerful face.
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But our feelings are like a bouncy ball on top of a pool, and no matter how deep we shove them, they always pop up – and usually at a very inconvenient time (and in an inconvenient way 😈)
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And when we do acknowledge our pain, we often quickly rationalize or condemn them away, guilting ourselves that we’re not more grateful. How can we suffer when we know others have it worse?
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The crux of the issue is – and why I think gratitude practices are problematic – that it reinforces a binary view of ourselves. We are either suffering or grateful. This is a false lens to see the world and a big reason why we’re often confused or conflicted.
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I’ve discovered that true contentment comes from embracing life’s contradictions and expanding our capacity to sit with it all. No fixing, no burying, no bullshit.
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👉 So instead of a gratitude practice, I encourage you to try what I call the “Add the And” At the beginning or end of the day, reflect on everything that happened and how you feel about it. See if you can identify as many feelings as possible – the feelings wheel helps! – and in doing so, include as many “ands” as possible, challenging yourself to uncover a diversity of interpretations. How many ways can we see this situation? This person? Ourselves?
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The more perspectives we seek, the more paths we’ll see, and the more opportunities we can seize.

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I learned this in a very intense way during my son’s hospitalization and open heart surgeries. I dreamed throughout my twin pregnancy of that triumphant moment when I’d be wheeled out upon discharge, carrying my two babies. Instead, it would end up being only one, the other left behind.

I was devastated and proud. We were unlucky and lucky. Sobbing tears of sadness and joy, I vividly remember feeling an inner expansion as my body and brain stretched to hold it all.

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This was life: messy, beautiful, tragic. And I was grateful for it.

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x Claire

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In this issue: ​

Podcast My industry is downsizing. Do I stick it out or pivot? Ask Claire “My intense self-criticism kills all my ideas.” Video Course Earn Better: Negotiate Like a Pro Member Spotlight Lex Read of Bandit Creative Studio

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Mandy loves movies with a passion. For the last decade, she’s been a writer and editor in entertainment journalism and thrived. But the past few years have been rocky as the industry has downsized and..so has Mandy’s career.

She came to me wondering if she should get creative and stick it out, or pivot entirely. With her heart and her bank account at odds, Mandy needed an outside perspective ASAP. Take a listen to what I told her.

Listen to the episode →

Ask Claire

“My intense self-criticism kills all my ideas.”

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“My intense self-criticism kills ideas by preventing me from taking calculated risks. It distorts my judgment to make an undesirable outcome seem inevitable.”

Claire’s guidance →

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Need guidance? Reply to this email with your situation or submit it here.​

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Member Spotlight

Lex Read

Meet Lex Read, a writer, storyteller, and creative strategist whose passion is turning your vision of “what could be” into reality. As the founder of Bandit Creative Studio, a woman-owned boutique agency, she combines her multifaceted background in writing for major publications, producing at the Today Show, directing documentary and commercial films, and leading content and design teams.

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After years of telling stories for major brands, she now dedicates herself to advancing the dreams and missions of others, serving as a creative confidante and strategic partner to visionaries ready to amplify their impact. Through Bandit, she helps folks harness authentic storytelling and strategic branding so they can focus on what matters most – doing the work they love.

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Grab her free “How to Talk About What You Do” cheat sheet 👇

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